3 Hidden Benefits of Embracing Vulnerability

When you imagine vulnerability, what do you think of? Do you imagine crying or being hurt? Or maybe you think of a child, or someone who is powerless or being mistreated. Vulnerability often elicits thoughts of hardship or being at-risk, neither of which are desirable to most people. What’s more, we live in a society in which control is prized and vulnerability is devalued, often being framed as a shortcoming or something to hide. All of this can lead us to suppress and avoid vulnerability at any cost. But instead of talking about the costs, let’s learn about 3 of the hidden benefits of embracing our vulnerability. 

Closer Relationships

It’s not uncommon to view relationships formulaically – “If I find someone with similar interests and we like each other, we should have a great relationship!”  While this statement is not entirely untrue, it’s also not the whole picture. Feeling close to someone is not just about your similarities or being fond of one another, it’s about opening up and being vulnerable. Imagine trying to hug someone when both of you have your arms folded – you’ll be able to make contact, but you won’t be able to feel the warm embrace of the other person. 

Emotional closeness is similar, we can’t feel truly held until we open ourselves up – this can look like sharing more intimate details about ourselves, telling the other person how we feel and how they make us feel, or asking them for something we need. In a healthy relationship, the other person will at the very least respect us for being vulnerable  and let us know honestly and kindly if they’re able to meet us where we are. If they’re also interested in strengthening the relationship and being closer, they will find a way to receive you and reciprocate. 

Feeling More Calm and Grounded

As I’ve written about before, anxiety is often a misguided effort to protect us from pain by trying to control or anticipate everything. We don’t want to be embarrassed, so we nervously scan our environment for embarrassing situations. Or we closely monitor our behavior so we don’t do anything that might lead us to feel embarrassed. But what if it was ok to be embarrassed? What if it was ok to experience a wide range of vulnerable emotions because we’d committed to practicing kindness and care towards ourselves in those situations? Instead of seeing vulnerability as something threatening or shameful, we lean into it. This might look like putting our hand on our hearts, closing our eyes for a moment, and saying aloud, “I feel embarrassed” or “I made a mistake”. Seeing us embrace our humanity might give others the courage to embrace theirs too. No matter what, we’re showing ourselves that vulnerability is not something we need to avoid, so we can stop nervously scanning and monitoring all the time. 

More Purpose and Fulfillment

When we fear vulnerability, avoiding and suppressing it can take up a lot of our time and energy. We can find ourselves constantly planning, staying busy, and wearing a mask of invulnerability around others. All of these things can be so depleting that we’re not able to think about or spend time on the things and people who bring meaning and fulfillment to our lives. Practicing acceptance and kindness toward vulnerability can free up valuable time and energy that we can then use for more rewarding endeavors. 

Because vulnerability is devalued at a societal level, embracing it takes courage, persistence, and support. Working closely with a sensitive and nonjudgmental therapist can help. If this is something you want to work on, don’t be afraid to ask your  therapist how they can support you to embrace more vulnerability in your life. And no matter what, keep doing your best to practice kindness and patience with yourself. 

All my best,

Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT# 129032

Thrive Therapist, Program Manager, and Supervisor