Teen Phone and Social Media Addiction: What Actually Helps
Ivy Griffin
If you have a teen in your household, maybe you’ve noticed one or more of the following: your child seems glued to their phone, is withdrawing from family members and shared spaces, is holed up in their room and when they’re not, they might as well be. Maybe you notice that their reference points have increasingly become online in nature. Or perhaps their style of communication has changed dramatically, rarely verbal in nature, their faces down and their fingers tapping away or scrolling. And it could be that you’ve noticed them descend into surprising amounts of discomfort or distress in situations when they cannot easily access their phone.
As uncomfortable as these scenarios are, they are increasingly common in modern families. The question arises:
“Is my teen addicted to their phone?”
“Are they dependent on social media the same way some people are with regards to substances or gambling?”
Before you rush to the “just take the phone away” approach—which rarely works in the long-term—you should know that you and your teen are not alone in this, and you have options that could potentially bring you closer together, physically and emotionally.
Understanding the pull
Several factors underlie the allure of smart phones and social media, some of which address needs that are totally natural and others that are somewhat more insidious. One of the primary factors is the dopamine driven design built into our modern communication devices and the apps that are on them. Everything from the candy colored app icons themselves, the glowing red of the notification alerts, and the in-app design with its never-ending carousel of targeted images; all of these activate the pleasure seeking nodes of our brain in very similar ways that substances, gambling, and other addictions do. The creators of modern social technology have succeeded in triggering the natural processes our brains use to seek out pleasure, but tend to prioritize profits over mental health.
Other factors that influence the addiction are more benign, and have their roots in near-universal human needs:
The need to belong to communities
Fear of missing out on updates from friends
Fear of social exclusion
This isn’t to say that these are problems in themselves; rather, try to normalize the things that are driving your teen toward these behaviors. They are important and valid needs in most of our lives, and meeting them through channels other than the smartphone can provide a way out.
Signs it's becoming a problem
If you have been paying attention to your teen, many of these signs of smartphone and social media addiction are fairly apparent.
Sleep loss, resulting from over exposure to screens and overnight use of devices, may lead to drowsiness at the breakfast table or reports coming home from school about your teen falling asleep in class.
You may notice a diminished amount of energy that your teen is able to devote to their academics or to extracurricular activities.
Another sign could be that your teen’s mood crashes when phone access is limited, becoming depressed, agitated, or otherwise dysregulated in ways that are not in step with their developmental stage or your long-term understanding of your teen’s personality.
And even though social media in some ways addresses your teen’s need for social engagement, it also has the side effect of your teen disconnecting and distancing themselves from in person friendships and family ties as their social world gets winnowed down further and further to what is on the tiny screen in front of them.
What actually helps:
Collaborative limits, instead of purely punitive ones
Addressing the underlying need associated with the addictive behavior (boredom, anxiety, social connection, etc.)
Modeling healthy habits as a parent, caretaker, or a loved one.
Another thing that is not a strictly clinical approach, but something worth exploring: there are many different apps available for download on your teen’s device that helps to place restrictions on the amount of phone or app use, some of them setting daily limits or blocking off important times of the day like the wind down before bed. This could provide a certain amount of harm reduction and accountability while also respecting your teens autonomy by not simply locking up their phone.
How therapy helps
Therapeutic approaches like dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) and other frameworks can be effective for teaching your teen emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and other skills for self soothing and self-care. Therapy can can also help by addressing the root mental health symptoms that your teen may be self-medicating for, such as anxiety, grief, depression, or other stressors related to life transitions.
If your teen is working with a therapist, one route you could take would be to inquire with the therapist about what your role might be. Psychotherapy often addresses the family system as a whole. This way it's not just a matter of "fixing" your teen on an individual basis, but creating a holistic framework for everyone in the home. That way, if your teen sees demonstrable improvement, everyone can take ownership and live in the same gratitude. It's important to note that considering smart phone and social media addiction as only your teen’s problem can put a harmful amount of pressure on them and individualizes a phenomenon that truly is a family and community-driven one. Like with many addictions, an individualistic approach often exacerbates the addictive behaviors and amplifies them with shame and secrecy when progress isn't made.
These are just a few of our thoughts on smart phone and social media addiction. We are just scratching the surface here, so if you feel this is playing a harmful role in your teen's life or in your family, we are here to help.
Warmly,
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