I often hear from highly sensitive people (HSPs) how different and alone they feel. “I’m too sensitive,” “I need to grow a thicker skin,” “Why can’t I just let it go like everyone else?” are common refrains. Such beliefs often stem from a lifetime of conscious and unconscious messages from well-meaning and not-so-well-meaning people about how there’s something wrong with the way you are. And, the reality is--highly sensitive people are not the norm. We know this because research has found that 15-20% of people in any given population in any given culture carry the personality trait of being highly sensitive.
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Do you see your teen lounging around--eyes glued to their phone constantly--and worry about what kind of adult they’re going to become and what on earth they’re going to do with their lives? You might be frustrated with their lack of caring . . . about seemingly anything serious or with their ability to sleep 17 hours a day or with how you have to tell them 8 times to unload the dishwasher, and you wonder when they’ll fiiiiinally get it together.
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How many times have you said, “this year I’m going to start preparing for the holidays early,” only to see mid-December roll around and have nothing done? You are not alone! Most of us are so busy throughout the year that we’ve broken that promise over and over again. Then, inevitably, the stress level raises and we rush through the holiday season, documenting memories through social media posts, and completely missing out on being fully present with our family and friends. Suddenly, Valentine’s Day is upon us and we shake our heads in disbelief that yet again that ‘special and magical’ time of year passed us by.
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Imagine this scenario:
Your friend or family member is going through a separation, and you know they’re having a hard time. You empathize with their struggles and offer them support, reminding them that it will get better again. They start to lean on you more, needing more time and asking for more favors. You begin feeling resentful, but you don’t want to hurt your loved one’s feelings, especially when they’re struggling so much. This goes on for a couple months, and you become more and more frustrated. Of course, you have your own life and struggles to manage!
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Is your teen coming home sad, angry, and/or anxious? Is your teen isolating and withdrawing from family members when they get home from school? You may be wondering whether their mood is caused by normal teenage emotions or whether something else is happening at school that may be contributing.
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Gratitude. We hear about this notion all the time, especially in the month of November. Count your blessings! Remember what you’re grateful for! Give thanks! We hear about gratitude so much that it can start to sound trite, and we may tune out. I get it. And, I’m a realist. Gratitude probably doesn’t change everything, despite the alluring image. However, despite the word being tossed all about, the practice of gratitude can be legitimately helpful, especially for highly sensitive people.
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Teens are constantly comparing themselves to unrealistic expectations of beauty. They have images of flawless people that are portrayed everywhere they look in social media, TV, movies, and magazines. Teens are not thinking about the fact that the majority of these people have gone through plastic surgery to look the way that they do and that these so-called “flawless people” have their photos airbrushed and photo-shopped in order for them to appear so perfect. Instead, they're asking themselves questions like “Why do I not look perfect like them?”
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Highly sensitive people (HSPs) truly benefit from having a solid support system. We can be so good and helpful at taking care of and being there for others and not so good at taking care of ourselves. While part of our personal work may be learning to prioritize self-care, it also helps tremendously if we have people in our lives who understand our sensitive nature, check-in with us about how we’re doing, and give us both space and support as we need.
For some HSPs, this support may come from a loving partner, an understanding parent, a close sibling, a kind aunt. For others, family may not be what they need.
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Parents, let’s get real here. If you have a teenager, chances are they have either tried cannabis (pot/weed), are actively using it, or they know another teen who is. And, chances are that at least some of the parents you’ve talked to are in some way co-signing their teen’s pot use. “Oh, it’s just pot,” they may say. Or, “they’re just teenagers, they’ll grow out of it;” “they’re stressed; they’re under so much pressure; they are just blowing off steam.”
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In all relationships—whether with friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances, strangers—boundaries exist. The boundaries may be conscious or unconscious, intentional or unintentional. No matter how much or little thought goes into any particular interpersonal boundary, these boundaries guide our interactions. We teach people how to treat us, and they teach us how to treat them, either by what we do or by what we don’t do.
Even though boundaries play a critical role in relationships throughout our lives, we often don’t spend much time talking or thinking about boundaries, unless something goes wrong.
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It’s that time of year again. Summer is coming to an end, and school supplies line the shelves at Target. This year even the weather is cooler. All of this means your teen is either back in school or on the verge of going back. Talk of homework and class schedules, grades and college applications are swirling. Then, there are dances and homecoming and drivers’ licenses and dating.
Back-to-school time brings all of this to the forefront. Summer seems over, and future plans abound. Parents and teens alike want to get started on the right foot.
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We live in a culture that never stops. As we’ve become more global and connected, there’s constant input from everywhere—work demands, friend and family obligations, household chores and errands, not to mention an ongoing information stream on any topic or question we might possibly have. Want ideas for the best way to unclog your bathroom sink? You can go down a rabbit hole of blogs and YouTube videos dedicated to this topic and suddenly an hour has passed and you’re still not sure what you want to do!
Yowzers! For highly sensitive people (HSPs), the demands and input from everyday life can be utterly exhausting AND overwhelming
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In our society, romance is all around us. Ooey-gooey love stories are glamorized and set high expectations for young relationships. Teens may not yet be aware of the fact that relationships are not usually how they are portrayed in TV shows or in the movies. The intensity in these storybook relationships draw teens in, and these skewed expectations are part of what can contribute to how hard teens take their first, or first, few break-ups. In your teen’s eyes, they may have envisioned their first relationship as something that would last a lifetime. They may have fallen so hard and so fast that they couldn’t possibly imagine the relationship would ever end. Your teen taking their break-up hard is really just a part of growing and learning for them. Because, as we all know, it’s called heartbreak for a reason!
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A common struggle for Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) is overthinking. “My brain won’t stop,” or, “I can’t turn it off!” or “I’m overanalyzing again” are common refrains. While I know it can be incredibly frustrating and overwhelming at times, all this thinking actually makes a lot of sense for sensitive folks. One of the main characteristics of being highly sensitive is “depth of processing.” This means we think on a super deep level. We take all the information that we’ve been absorbing from our environment—another core feature of being an HSP being that we notice a lot about the world around us—and dive into our thoughts about situations, other people, our own actions, our beliefs and values or maybe even just a comment we made or a look we gave. If we’re worried or stressed, this can be great fodder for our overthinking brain to take us down the rabbit hole.
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We are what we eat, think, and believe.
It is a simple statement, yet like a ripe and ready-to-eat onion, it’s got layers to it. We live in a fast-paced, demanding, and overly stimulating world that requires vast amounts of energy, time, and attention. Sometimes the last thing on our minds is eating. Especially in a world saturated with ready-to-eat, fast-food, to-go options.
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