Life is hard. Sometimes there are heartbreaking, painful, overwhelming circumstances we must deal with—a job loss, a breakup or divorce, a cancer diagnosis. These kinds of situations can bring anyone to their knees. Often, people understand that and can offer sympathy and kindness for such potentially life-shattering events.
What can also be heart-rending and soul-sucking pain, especially for Highly Sensitive People, are the times when there aren’t obvious reasons for emotional pain. Life may be going along just fine, and then blam, you wake up one day or one week or several weeks feeling . . .blah.
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No, I’m not talking about a physical bully. Not the in-your-face, “I’m gonna take your lunch money” kind of bully. I’m talking about the Bully we fight in our heads. The one that tells you “You’re stupid!” “You’re a failure!” “Who are you to (x, y or z)?” “You’re not pretty enough, rich enough, smart enough, kind enough, motivated enough, healthy enough, loved enough…” You know . . . that one? This Bully is dangerous. She’s frightening, not because of her physicality or threats to harm you, but because of how damn sneaky she is.
This Bully is a wolf-in-sheep’s clothing.
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“Oh my God! I just found PORN on my daughter’s ipad! What do I do?!” More often or not, the first time parents discover porn on the screen of their child’s laptop, phone, or iPad—that knee jerk reaction hits. Thoughts of “he’s only 12!” or “why did she google that?!” Kids are curious creatures, and naturally, one day, they are going to want to know about sex. Children grow up now knowing that the answer to pretty much anything is just a click away, so it’s understandable that they would turn to the web to explore this whole sex thing--nevermind that teens and preteens can feel increeeedibly awkward talking to parents and adults about sex (and it can feel just as uncomfortable for parents too)!
So, yes, curiosity and interest in sexuality are normal, even in the preteen years. Now, how do you respond?
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What? Self-compassion? As soon as you read the word, how many of you thought, “Sounds like some touchy-feely, mumbo jumbo phrase to make everybody feel better with really earning it”? That message is EXACTLY what society tells us to think. Our culture excels at teaching us to be critical, exacting, perfectionistic and to promptly lash into ourselves in any moment when we don’t live up to these impossible standards. “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!” “Don’t be a crybaby.” “Be all that you can be.” “Always do your best.” Sheesh, I feel my shoulders sagging under all this weight just by writing these messages out! It makes for an exhausting and harsh life when you adhere to such beliefs.
For us HSPs, we’re even more susceptible to taking what others teach us to heart and of reaaaally carrying the load of such messages.
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I’m not sure if anything excites and calms me as much as the ocean. The first sight of it from a car window never fails to stir my soul. It suddenly transports me back to childhood memories and the thrill of anticipation—all the fun, adventure and exploration waiting to be had. Plus, being from the east coast, the beauty of the Pacific ignites a new sort of eagerness for me, one filled with traveling to new places and experiencing something different.
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