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Thrive Therapy & Counseling provides high quality therapy to Highly Sensitive People and to kids, teens or adults struggling with anxiety, depression or self-esteem.

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This blog is written by a therapist in midtown Sacramento and focuses on the concerns and struggles of highly sensitive people (HSPs) and of kids, teens and adults struggling with depression, anxiety or just trying to figure out what they want for themselves.  There's help and hope through counseling and therapy!

How to Stop Over-Apologizing: What Your Constant “Sorry” Might Really Mean

Ivy Griffin

How many times have you said “sorry” this week?

For bumping into someone. For asking a question. For having feelings. For just… existing?

If the word “sorry” flies out of your mouth on autopilot—especially in situations where you haven’t done anything wrong—you’re not alone. Over-apologizing is incredibly common, especially among people who are highly sensitive, were raised to avoid conflict, or grew up in environments where their needs weren’t consistently met.

It might seem like a harmless habit. But constantly apologizing can chip away at your sense of self-worth—and send a message (to yourself and others) that your presence is something to be excused.

Let’s take a deeper look at what’s underneath all those “sorrys”—and how therapy can help you rewrite the story behind them.

Why You Might Be Over-Apologizing

Over-apologizing is often less about the present moment and more about the emotional wiring you’ve developed over time. It can be a learned survival strategy—a way to avoid rejection, manage other people’s feelings, or stay safe in relationships that felt unpredictable.

You might find yourself apologizing for:

  • Asking for help

  • Saying no or setting boundaries

  • Crying or showing emotion

  • Expressing a need

  • Simply taking up space

Many people-pleasers and perfectionists (hello, fellow sensitive souls!) fall into this pattern without even realizing it. Saying “sorry” becomes a reflex—like a shield against conflict or discomfort.

But when you’re constantly apologizing for existing, it reinforces the belief that you’re a burden or “too much.” And that’s simply not true.

What’s Really Going On Beneath “Sorry”?

If we slow things down, a chronic apology habit often reflects deeper emotional patterns, such as:

  • Fear of conflict or being disliked: Apologizing can feel like a preemptive move to keep others happy.

  • Low self-worth: You may believe your needs or presence are inherently disruptive.

  • Shame from past experiences: Especially for those with childhood emotional neglect, apologizing becomes a way to smooth things over before anything gets “too real.”

  • Hyper-attunement to others’ emotions: Many highly sensitive people are deeply aware of how others are feeling—and apologize as a way to soothe or protect those around them.

Understanding these roots is a powerful first step toward healing.

How Over-Apologizing Affects You

At first, being “sorry” all the time might seem polite or humble. But over time, it can subtly wear down your confidence, muddy your communication, and reinforce self-doubt. You might:

  • Struggle to express your needs clearly

  • Feel resentful or unseen in relationships

  • Avoid asserting yourself at work or with friends

  • Doubt whether your feelings are even valid

It also makes it harder for others to truly see you. When you shrink yourself, people miss out on the full version of you—the one who has opinions, preferences, and a voice that matters.

Gentle Ways to Shift the Habit

You don’t have to banish “sorry” from your vocabulary overnight. But you can start building awareness around when and why you say it—and practice replacing it with more grounded, empowered language.

Here are a few ways to begin:

  • Notice your triggers. When are you most likely to say “sorry”? With certain people? In specific situations?

  • Pause before you speak. Ask yourself, “Am I truly at fault, or am I just feeling uncomfortable?”

  • Try alternative phrases. Swap “Sorry I’m late” for “Thanks for your patience,” or “Sorry to bother you” for “Do you have a moment?”

  • Validate your own feelings. You don’t need to apologize for needing support, space, or clarity.

  • Talk it through in therapy. Unpacking the origins of your over-apologizing habit can help you shift it with compassion—not shame.

Small changes in language can lead to big shifts in how you view yourself.

Therapy Can Help You Reclaim Your Voice

At Thrive Therapy & Counseling, we understand how deeply ingrained people-pleasing and over-apologizing can be—especially for young adults, highly sensitive folks, and members of the LGBTQ+ community who’ve been conditioned to keep the peace or avoid conflict at all costs.

We offer a safe, affirming space to explore:

  • Where your apology reflex came from

  • What you’re really trying to express or protect

  • How to set boundaries without guilt

  • Ways to communicate with confidence and clarity

  • The difference between kindness and self-erasure

You don’t need to apologize for being human. You deserve to take up space—messy feelings, clear boundaries, strong opinions and all.

You Don’t Have to Keep Shrinking

Over-apologizing isn’t just a habit—it’s often a symptom of old wounds that can be gently healed. With support, you can stop walking on eggshells and start moving through life with more grounded self-trust.

Thrive Therapy & Counseling offers therapy for anxiety, people-pleasing, and identity development both in-person in Sacramento and online throughout California. Whether you're just beginning to notice this pattern or have been “sorry”-ing your way through life for years, we’re here to support your growth.

You’re allowed to take up space. And you don’t need to apologize for it.

Reach out here or explore our People-Pleasing & Perfectionism therapy page to get started.