How Hypervigilance Might Be Affecting Your Energy
Ileana Arganda-Stevens
It's lunchtime and you're already exhausted. You say to yourself, “What is the matter with me? I've only had two short meetings so far!” It's not the first time you've felt this way – you often feel exhausted after short interactions with others. Even seemingly pleasant or neutral interactions stay with you long after-the-fact, or you find yourself trying to anticipate what might happen in future interactions. You think of yourself as caring and conscientious, but is there more to it?
Striving for Security
We're little sponges when we're young. Even before we have language, we absorb lots of information from the world around us – our caregivers’ facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, our daily routines. All of this information helps us understand the world around us, and regulate our emotions.
When our physical and emotional needs are consistently met, this builds a sense of security inside us. Disruptions to this consistency may cause us to become dysregulated, but with help from responsive caregivers, we become regulated again. However, when inconsistency is the rule rather than the exception, we can become chronically dysregulated. Our tiny systems adapt by turning the volume up or down on our emotions, awareness, and behavior in order to survive within our environment.
What does this look like?
In the case of hypervigilance, our awareness of our environment is chronically heightened. Without choosing to, and oftentimes without our awareness, we attune to subtle cues around us (sounds, facial expressions, etc.) that might signal danger. “Danger” in this case, doesn't have to be a lion in the bushes, it may be the cues we became attuned to in childhood that alerted us to environmental instability. If our caregivers were unable to attune to our needs because they were chronically stressed, depressed, or disconnected for some other reason, we might become hypervigilant to cues related to their emotional states. Trying to predict or control their emotions might have given us a temporary sense of hope and control, but not long-term security.
Does this mean my concern and empathy for others is really just hypervigilance?
Emotions aren't that clear cut, and just because hypervigilance may be a factor, doesn't mean it's the whole story. We don't have to question every thought or feeling we have about others, but it may be helpful to recognize that frequent rumination about our interactions with others may be pain from the past speaking to us in the present.
How do we heal?
Identifying our core wounds can be immensely helpful. If, in childhood, we needed more warmth, more boundaries, or more frequent reminders we were accepted and cared for, we likely still need these things in the present. In addition, we may also need time to grieve the loss of security we experienced in childhood. If you find yourself saying, “That's silly! I was fine,” recognize this may be one of the ways you turned down the volume on your emotions to survive. Remind yourself, “Nobody's perfect, and you don't have to be either.” You don't have to have perfect self-awareness, perfect insight, or perfect healing. Try to talk to yourself as you would a loved one. Make sure your basic needs are met and do emotional check-ins daily – consistency breeds security. If you'd like more support, please reach out.
Warmly,
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT# 129032
Therapist/Program Manager/Supervisor
she/her