The “Lazy” Myth: ADHD and External Perception
Ivy Griffin
For many individuals diagnosed or undiagnosed with ADHD, they often grew up saturated in the word “lazy”. Anytime they were unable to accomplish a task or a goal this word was bandied about and stated with absolute certainty. The problem is that “lazy” implies an intention – when you are being lazy, you are actively choosing not to do something.
While individuals who struggle with ADHD are capable of being lazy just like everyone else, being lazy isn’t actually the root of their inaction the majority of the time. Often, they get distracted, lose their train of thought, or their focus drifts elsewhere because their sensitivity to their environment is so heightened.They had every intention of accomplishing the task, but it can be an uphill battle as their mind fights against stagnation and is intensely repelled by anything boring, rote, or undesirable.
Rather than making assumptions and throwing negativity about with our word choice, it is more important to explore with the individual where the break occurred in their quest to complete the task. Did they realize they needed something else to complete the task and get distracted on the way? Did their mind tell them that they needed to address something else in the room first before they could move on? Did they hit a place of hyperfocus and were finally making progress on another task of greater importance that had been longer delayed and were scared that if they stopped they would never be able to pick it back up later?
If we approach with curiosity we can often learn, and help our loved one learn how their mind functions, and support them in developing systems to increase odds of follow through. However, if we choose to proceed with using words like lazy, which carry an inherent negative connotation, we are shaming them. Using a shaming approach with loved ones most often ends with killing their curiosity and ultimately stifles their motivation to try. So, the next time a loved one with ADHD struggles, take a few deep breaths and try exploring with curiosity.
P.S. For anyone reading this who has ADHD, I want you to practice two things. The first is exploring with curiosity for yourself where the breakdown occurs: you can keep track in a journal or the notes app on your phone with a simple tally system. Secondly, I want you to practice separating yourself from the action and giving yourself grace and compassion – for example, you are not lazy, you had a lazy moment, you did not fail, you struggled. These wording choices are simple, but they can have a profound impact on our sense of self.
With warm regards,
Megan Bell, LMFT # 114303
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
2131 Capitol Ave, Suite 306
Sacramento, CA, 95816