The Power of Words: Self-poisoning with negativity
Ivy Griffin
We’ve all had moments where we’ve been less-than-kind to ourselves. We might have struggled to accomplish something and called ourselves either out loud or internally things like failure, lazy, stupid or even worthless. In the moment, it probably doesn’t feel like such a big deal, we might even feel like we deserve it, or we minimize and tell ourselves it isn’t so bad since we only did it once or twice. But the fact of the matter is that word choice is a powerful thing, and every time we direct harsh negativity towards ourselves we are essentially feeding ourselves poison.
While it takes time for this negativity to accumulate in our system, eventually it takes root and solidifies into negative cognitions (negative thoughts that recur regularly) or can even become negative core beliefs (negative beliefs that are so deeply ingrained that they color how we see ourselves and in turn move through the world). It’s also important to note that our mind accepts negativity more easily than positivity, so the amount of work we are creating for ourselves down the road to undo what we did in a matter of seconds becomes seemingly insurmountable.
Some might argue that it’s important to acknowledge when we mess up or are less-than perfect, and I agree but there are better ways to do it than telling ourselves mean things. First, when it comes to word choice there are an abundance of synonyms, each with varying degrees of negative, neutral and positive connotations (feelings that are evoked by using a word). If you feel the need to hold yourself accountable, try to pick a word that holds a more neutral or positive connotation. For example, instead of “I failed,” try "I struggled.” It’s a subtle difference but it can help to reduce the amount of negativity we absorb.
Another thing we might try is adding clarifiers to our statements that project hope and look to the future. For example instead of “I am incapable,” try, "I am not capable yet but if I continue practicing I can be.” These kinds of small subtle changes can support you in better maintaining motivation, nothing kills motivation faster than negativity.
These were just a couple small ways to practice dropping negativity and putting down the poison. Though choosing positivity and optimism is a harder path and can take more effort initially, the pay off down the road makes it more than worth it.
With warm regards,
Megan Bell, LMFT # 114303
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
2131 Capitol Ave, Suite 306
Sacramento, CA, 95816