People-Pleasing During the Holidays: Why It Gets Worse
Ivy Griffin
The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy and togetherness, but for many, it can trigger heightened anxiety and a compulsive need to please others. People-pleasing, a common behavioral pattern, becomes particularly pronounced during this time, as expectations and pressures mount. The desire to meet everyone’s needs can be overwhelming, leaving individuals feeling exhausted and unfulfilled.
At Thrive Therapy & Counseling, we recognize the unique challenges that the holiday season brings to those who struggle with people-pleasing tendencies. Our therapists are here to provide support and strategies to help you manage these feelings in a healthy way. For those interested in learning more, our therapy services for anxiety offer insights and tools to navigate these challenges.
Understanding why people-pleasing intensifies during the holidays is the first step toward managing it effectively. As social gatherings and family obligations increase, so do the demands on your time and energy. This period can evoke past experiences of needing to gain approval and love through acts of service, which may lead to stress and burnout.
The Roots of People-Pleasing
People-pleasing often originates from childhood experiences, where approval and acceptance were conditional. Many individuals learned early on that love and validation were tied to their ability to meet others' expectations. This foundational belief can carry into adulthood, where the holiday season acts as a magnifying glass, highlighting these ingrained patterns.
During the holidays, the pressure to fulfill family traditions and maintain harmony can exacerbate these tendencies. As a result, individuals may find themselves overcommitting to events or taking on more responsibilities than they can handle. Recognizing this pattern is crucial for breaking the cycle and finding healthier ways to engage with loved ones.
Therapy can play a pivotal role in understanding and addressing these deep-seated beliefs. By exploring the origins of people-pleasing behavior, individuals can begin to redefine their self-worth and learn to set boundaries that prioritize their well-being.
The Holiday Expectation Trap
The holidays come with an unspoken set of expectations that can be overwhelming. From gift-giving to hosting events, the pressure to create the perfect experience is immense. This expectation trap can lead to stress and anxiety, particularly for those prone to people-pleasing.
Consider these common holiday pressures:
Gift-Giving: Finding the perfect gift for everyone on your list can become a source of stress, especially when trying to match or exceed others' expectations.
Hosting Duties: Hosting family gatherings can feel like a performance, where meeting everyone's needs becomes the measure of success.
Family Dynamics: Navigating complex family relationships and maintaining peace can heighten anxiety and the need to please.
Understanding these pressures allows individuals to set realistic expectations and focus on what truly matters during the season. Reflecting on past experiences can help identify patterns and develop strategies for managing stress more effectively.
Setting Boundaries with Confidence
One of the most effective ways to combat people-pleasing is by setting clear boundaries. Boundaries help protect your energy and ensure that your needs are met alongside others'. During the holiday season, setting boundaries can be particularly challenging, yet it's essential for maintaining mental health.
Here are some strategies for setting boundaries:
Communicate clearly: Let family and friends know your limits in a kind but firm manner.
Prioritize self-care: Schedule "me time" to recharge and reflect away from the holiday hustle.
Learn to say no: Practice declining invitations or requests that overwhelm you, guilt-free.
By establishing boundaries, you create a healthier balance that allows you to enjoy the holiday season without feeling overburdened. It's important to remember that saying no does not diminish your value or the love you have for others.
The Role of Therapy in Breaking the Cycle
Therapy can be a valuable tool in addressing people-pleasing tendencies, especially during the heightened stress of the holidays. Through therapy, individuals can explore the psychological roots of their behavior and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Therapists can guide clients in:
Identifying triggers: Recognizing specific situations that prompt people-pleasing behavior.
Developing self-awareness: Understanding how past experiences influence current actions.
Building self-esteem: Strengthening self-worth independent of others' approval.
Participating in therapy, whether through traditional sessions or innovative methods like walk and talk therapy, offers a supportive space to practice new skills and gain confidence in setting boundaries.
Embracing Imperfection and Letting Go
The drive to please often stems from perfectionism, a desire to be everything to everyone. Embracing imperfection is a powerful step in overcoming people-pleasing behaviors. Accepting that not everything needs to be perfect can relieve the pressure to meet unrealistic standards.
Consider reframing your mindset:
Focus on connection: Prioritize meaningful interactions over perfect presentations.
Celebrate small wins: Acknowledge efforts and progress, no matter how minor.
Practice gratitude: Shift focus from what's lacking to what brings joy and fulfillment.
By letting go of perfectionism, you allow yourself to experience the holidays more authentically and enjoy the present moment. This mindset shift can significantly reduce stress and promote a more fulfilling holiday experience.
Finding Support in Sacramento
For those struggling with people-pleasing during the holidays, finding support is crucial. Thrive Therapy & Counseling in Sacramento offers both in-person and online therapy options to help clients manage these challenges. By accessing our individual therapy services, you can work on building healthier relationships with yourself and others.
We invite you to take advantage of our free 15-minute consultation to discuss how therapy can support you during this time. Whether you are in West Sacramento, Elk Grove, Natomas, or Davis, our therapeutic services are designed to help you thrive. To start your journey, fill out our contact form and begin the path to a more balanced and joyful holiday season.