Tools for School: When School Feels ‘Extra’
Ivy Griffin
Have you been finding it hard to motivate yourself to go to and stay in school? More than just your typical I don't want to, because let's keep it real, school isn't always the most fun place to be. If this speaks to you, you are not alone! This experience is called school refusal. School refusal is when a teenager or any school-aged person, consistently refuses to go to school or has difficulty staying in school for the full day. It goes beyond occasional truancy or wanting to skip class occasionally. It often involves intense emotional distress or anxiety related to attending school. This distress can manifest in physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, or other complaints.
Let's talk about ways this can show up for you:
Frequent complaints of physical symptoms: Headaches, stomachaches, nausea, etc., especially on school days.
Refusal to get out of bed or get ready for school: Persistent resistance to going to school in the morning.
Emotional distress: Crying, anger, or sadness when the topic of school comes up.
Avoidance behaviors: Finding reasons to leave school early, skipping specific classes, or avoiding certain areas of the school.
Academic decline: Sudden drop in grades or loss of interest in schoolwork.
Isolation: Withdrawal from social activities or loss of interest in hobbies.
Increased screen time: Using screens excessively as a way to avoid going to school.
But don't worry, this is something that with the support from loved ones, your school, a trusted therapist and yourself we can get you through!
Here are some ways to help support you on this difficult journey:
Understand the Root Cause: Let’s understand what's bothering you. Is it anxiety about social situations? Fear of failure? Bullying? This is a crucial step in getting the tools needed to help you.
Talk to Your Support System: Consult with a school counselor, or therapist who understands the depths of mental health in teens. They can help you identify the cause and provide coping strategies.
Create a Supportive Environment: Ensure you feel safe and supported at home. It’s important to feel like you can engage in open communication without judgment.
Gradual Exposure: Work with your therapist to create a plan for gradually reintroducing you to school. This might involve starting with short visits and gradually increasing time spent at school. This process is NOT linear and that’s okay!
Build Coping Skills: Practice relaxation techniques, mindfulness, or other coping mechanisms to manage anxiety. (Therapist TIP) Something I’ve seen helpful with the teens I’ve worked with is creating a survival pack. Use a backpack or bag that you can put fidget toys, books, essential oils, palm rocks, a journal, etc. to help you stay focused and calm when you need to rejoin your body and calm your feelings.
Address Academic Concerns: If academic struggles are a factor, work with your teachers to develop a plan for extra help or accommodations. They want to help you succeed!
Social Connections:What are your friendships like outside of school? Have you tried any clubs, sports, or other activities?
Treat Yo’ Self: Praise yourself and reward your efforts to attend school, even if it's just for part of the day! You did that!!
Be Patient: Progress may be slow, and setbacks are common. Patience and persistence are key. You can do hard things!
School refusal can be challenging for both you and your loved ones. Remember this is a process and because you are unique, what may work for one person may not work for you. With the guidance and support from your therapist, loved ones and teachers it is possible to overcome this obstacle. You are more powerful and stronger than the fears and anxieties that are holding you back. Remember this mantra when times get challenging: You have gotten through challenging times before and you are not alone.
In solidarity,
Dre Merkey, LMFT 145327
(they/them)