How many times do we hear people say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff!” “Stop making mountains out of molehills.” “Just let it go!” Then, for sensitive folks, how many ways do we beat ourselves up for not being able to do these very things? “There’s something wrong with me.” “Why can’t I be like other people?” “Why do things get to me so much?” This questioning and blaming, naturally, leads to negative thoughts and judgments about ourselves, which then makes us feel (in technical terms) like shit.
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How would you fill in this blank today? You have the right to need ______________. Quiet time? Acceptance? Time spent outdoors? Love? Snuggles from your partner? Gentleness? Validation?
Highly sensitive people (HSPs) tend to struggle with and fight against their own needs. We may try to talk ourselves out of our needs (“It’s my problem; I just need to get over it.”), or shove down our needs to try to make them disappear (by bingeing on Netflix or having one more glass of wine to distract ourselves). We may even try to guilt ourselves out of our needs—“There are so many people in the world who don’t have running water. It’s not ok for me to be worried about my hurt feelings.” Any of this sound familiar, dear sensitive souls?
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There are times in life that require change. It might be a new job possibility, a passion about starting a new business, an interest in taking up a new hobby. It can also be challenges of life that necessitate change—a relationship that is no longer working, a sick loved one, a work environment or career that does not fit our needs. Whatever the impetus, it can be a scary and overwhelming time, especially for highly sensitive people (HSPs).
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I was blown away when I learned that this was possible. I know, combining these two traits sounds like a total oxymoron, right? How can a person both be sensitive to stimuli and their environment, feel emotions deeply, be thoroughly analytical and think-before-acting AND want MORE intensity, excitement, adventure, newness? Well, because we human beings are incredibly complex! I also knew as soon as I heard the high sensation seeker (HSS) term that that must be me, just like I knew the instant I heard of a highly sensitive person (HSP) that I too was one.
Luckily, there’s also research to back up each of these traits. (Because, you know how we HSPs can overanalyze to the point we completely doubt ourselves.)
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Have you ever stopped and thought about all the qualities that make you uniquely you, dear highly sensitive person? Yes, yes, as an HSP, you might already be over-analyzing. If you’re having a bad day or in low spirits, you might be telling yourself there’s nothing so special about you. Or, you might be able to write an essay describing yourself with all that wonderful insight you have. No matter how you’re feeling right now, no matter what kind of day it is, I first invite you to take some time--today or within this next week--for yourself and the following exercise.
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