Queer Joy For All
Ivy Griffin
Many of the folks I have the privilege of working with struggle with the belief that being queer is ‘not normal,’ is something to hide or be ashamed of, or is flat out wrong. These messages are rooted in societal fear and apathy, and say more about the lack of collective compassion and acceptance than most anything else. These external beliefs can then form internal beliefs commonly known as internalized homophobia. What is internalized homophobia? Internalized homophobia is the negative beliefs and feelings about one's own sexual orientation that can develop as a result of societal stigma, discrimination, or negative experiences. Working through internalized homophobia can be a challenging process, but it's an important step toward self-acceptance, self-love, and living authentically as an LGBTQ+ individual. Here are some steps to help you work through it:
You're not alone:
Explore and learn about LGBTQ+ history, culture, and the experiences of others. Understanding the broader context of the LGBTQ+ community can help challenge negative beliefs and stereotypes.
Reach out to friends, family members, or trusted individuals who are accepting and supportive of your identity. Share your feelings with them and seek their understanding and encouragement.
Representation matters:
Find a queer-affirming therapist! Consider speaking to a therapist or counselor, especially one with experience in LGBTQ+ issues. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your feelings, identify their origins, and develop coping strategies.
Celebrate Your Identity: Find ways to celebrate and embrace your identity. This could include attending pride events, displaying LGBTQ+ symbols, or engaging in activities that make you feel proud of who you are.
Advocate for Change: Get involved in LGBTQ+ activism and advocacy if you're comfortable doing so. Contributing to positive change in your community or society can boost your self-esteem and help combat internalized homophobia.
Take a stance against homophobia:
Challenge Negative Thoughts: Whenever you have negative thoughts or beliefs about your sexual orientation, challenge them with wise, compassionate, and self-affirming thoughts. For example, if you think, "Being queer is wrong," counter it with, "Being queer is a natural and valid part of who I am."
Self-compassion: Practice self-compassion and self-love. Treat yourself with the same kindness and respect you would offer to a friend. Remember that your sexual orientation is a beautiful part of who you are.
Challenge Stereotypes: Be aware of and challenge stereotypes and prejudices you may have absorbed from society. Get to know people within the LGBTQ+ community who defy these stereotypes.
Healing and self-acceptance takes time. Don't rush the process, and be patient with yourself. It's okay to have setbacks; what's important is that you continue working toward self-acceptance. Internalized homophobia is complex and is experienced throughout many queer and heterosexual communities, and affects everyone. Remember that overcoming internalized homophobia is a personal journey, and it may take time. Seek support from others who understand your experiences and be gentle with yourself as you work through these feelings. The goal is to live authentically, love yourself, and embrace your identity with pride.
Please reach out to any trusted person if you feel like you need a safe place to process the heaviness of internalized homophobia. We here at Thrive are all committed to dismantling oppression and creating a space for you to explore your authentic self.
With queer joy,
Dre Merkey
(they/them)
https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/dre-merkey
916-287-3430