Three Ways to Deal With Emotional Overwhelm
Ivy Griffin
I just want things to roll off my back. I don’t want to feel so bothered by things anymore! How can I just let things go? Many of us know the feeling of rising emotion, like a tidal wave about to engulf us – your heart races, perhaps your face gets hot, and it takes all your strength not to dissolve in tears or explode in anger. When this happens, we feel powerless, alone or embarrassed, and we wish these feelings would just go away! But no matter how hard we try, no matter how often we tell ourselves “It’s no big deal”, these feelings keep returning again and again. How do we make lasting change?
Embracing Paradox
Did you ever hear that the more you struggle when you’re in quicksand, the quicker you sink? Similar idea here – the more you struggle and fight against your emotions, the more overwhelmed and powerless you feel. Additionally, the more you suppress your emotions, the more likely they are to show up in inconvenient or maladaptive ways. For instance, the more we fight and suppress our anger, the more likely we are to engage in passive aggressive behavior, fail to set healthy boundaries, and the more likely we are to build resentment towards others. All of these hurt our relationships which – I’m willing to bet – is why we were suppressing our anger to begin with.
Emotions are Information
Many of us view our emotions in terms of “good” and “bad” emotions or “productive” and “unproductive”. This is one of the ways we sabotage ourselves and create an internal environment incapable of holding and processing “bad/unproductive” emotions. When we practice approaching all our emotions as potentially valuable sources of information, we gradually increase our ability to experience them. Using the previous example of anger, instead of telling ourselves, “Anger is mean and awful! I would never be angry at someone I love!”, we can say to ourselves, “I’m experiencing some really intense anger right now. This is uncomfortable for me so I’m going to breathe while I get my bearings”. Once we feel grounded, we can ask ourselves what it was that made us so angry. Was a boundary crossed? Is there a boundary we need to set?
Taking Action
Once we get some more information from our emotions, we can take action. When we have anxiety, this may look like reality-testing, making a plan, giving ourselves reassurance, or asking for support. When we experience anger, this may mean setting a boundary with ourselves (I’m only going to look at social media for 15 mins/day or I’m not going to offer help unless someone asks directly) or with others (I’m not available to help right now, but check back in with me at [time] if you’re still needing help or If I don’t hear from you by [time], I’ll assume you’re not able to hang out). Smaller actions that we’re able to maintain over time are most likely to lead to lasting change so don’t be afraid to start small!
As you may have noticed, big emotions don’t necessarily require a big response. In fact, dealing with overwhelm is more about the many small things we do over time. It’s also not about suppressing our emotions or beating ourselves up! Emotions are natural responses to internal and external stimuli. It’s our reactions to our emotions that often create overwhelm. So go slow. Be curious. And see what you learn. As always, if you need support, please reach out. A patient and insightful support person can help us be more patient and supportive of ourselves as we make changes.
All my best,
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT#129032
Therapist, Program Manager, Supervisor
https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/ileana-arganda