Letting Your Anxiety Rest

“I am so tired but I can’t sleep.”

“Sometimes I don’t realize how tense I am until something starts to hurt.”

“I feel like I’m ALWAYS planning, always trying to anticipate the next thing.”

Simultaneous exhaustion and nervous energy are common experiences for people who struggle with feelings of anxiety. You desperately want to relax but your body and mind just can’t let go. We think to ourselves “If I could just plan enough, do enough, be enough, THEN I can relax.” But this rarely ever happens. How do we get out of this cycle so we can rest?

Shifting Our Thinking

Anxiety, especially anxiety we’ve struggled with since childhood, is complex. Thus, attempting to obtain quick relief by thinking about it formulaically isn’t helpful. In fact, this can be a major stumbling block that delays healing. So one of the first and most important things you can do is shift your thinking. Consistent anxiety relief comes from consistent effort over time. Instead of thinking “How can I make my anxiety go away now?” we can try something like, “What might my anxiety need from me right now?”

Softening

We often think of anxiety as this big monster that we must defeat. This view may be a product of our culture – identify the problem and eliminate it. But as many of us who’ve struggled with anxiety already know, this approach often makes things worse and increases feelings of aggression towards the self. What may be more helpful is thinking of anxiety like a frightened, shivering child or animal. Their eyes dart around the room, trying to spot potential danger. They don’t need to be yelled at or ignored, they need gentleness and reassurance. Try imagining your anxiety in a way that elicits compassion from you.

Gratitude and Release

After we’ve softened our approach to anxiety, we need to give it permission to stop working so hard. Again, this is a shift in thinking – instead of viewing our anxiety as working against us, we can challenge ourselves to recognize its misguided attempts to protect us. When we were growing up, we had experiences that were so overwhelming that we had to somehow distance ourselves from the experience. For example, being ignored when we were in distress might have caused us to feel such intense pain that a part of us stepped up and said, “This is too much! From now on, we’re going to plan, plan, plan so we don’t have to experience this overwhelming hurt ever again!” Since then, we’ve run ourselves ragged trying to plan for every possible outcome so we don’t have to feel the pain of the original wound. Your anxiety now needs to hear the message, “Thank you for your hard work all these years. I appreciate you trying to protect me. I’m here to tell you that you don’t need to work so hard. I now have tools to better care for myself.”

Just like a wounded animal, your anxiety needs time to learn that it doesn’t need to keep looking around the room to protect you from big or difficult feelings. It will need to see you practicing self-care and compassion, courageously trying new things, and being patient. This is challenging work but absolutely doable and very rewarding. If you would like support on your journey, please reach out.

With patience and encouragement,

Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT#129032

Therapist and Program Manager

https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/ileana-arganda