Reducing Anxiety by Thinking Outside the Box
Ivy Griffin
“I get caught in these thought spirals and can’t get out.” “I obsess about all the things that could go wrong.” “I feel paralyzed and can’t take a step in any direction because I’m afraid of making the wrong decision.” Ugh! Anxious thoughts can be so exhausting! They can keep us up at night and weigh us down so much it feels difficult to move. How do we get unstuck and find relief?
One of the important things to remember when we want to reduce anxiety is that anxiety is a response to thoughts, beliefs, and experiences. So while it may seem like anxiety is the problem, it’s really not – it’s more of a signal like physical pain that lets us know something is happening and needs our attention. What’s most likely causing the anxiety is a thought, belief, or experience you’re having. This is why it can be so tricky to tackle anxiety because we’re trying to get rid of our natural response instead of addressing the root cause.
How is “thinking outside the box” supposed to help? The types of thoughts that cause anxiety are often limited and limiting – they over-generalize, stereotype, and cut off options. For example, the thought “What if I do something wrong?” suggests the person believes doing something “wrong” will result in some type of painful experience or punishment. When we look closer, we might find that “wrong” is anything that makes others upset or uncomfortable. Anything that makes others upset or uncomfortable is a BIG category – it’s difficult if not impossible to predict how others are going to react at a given moment. People’s reactions have as much to do with their energy levels, individual experiences, self-care, and unique needs as they do with our actions. Attempting to avoid doing anything that makes others upset puts so many limits on what we can do that we’re eventually boxed in with no options for ourselves.
Steps to thinking outside the box and letting go of limiting thoughts and beliefs:
Get specific – Get as specific as you can about what it is that you’re most afraid of. Hint: It will likely have to do with a loss of connection, acceptance, or safety – these are basic human needs and strong motivators. Getting specific will help you to address what it is that’s causing you to feel anxious.
Practice self-compassion – The belief you have likely developed because you really needed it at some point to feel safe but like clothes you’ve grown out of, it doesn’t fit anymore. Practicing self-compassion can melt away the walls of self-criticism that have been boxing you in and keeping you down. Try saying to yourself, “I get that this belief has been really important to you but it’s making me anxious so I’d like to try something new.”
Get real – Practice seeing things more realistically. The more accurate our appraisal of reality, the less likely we are to box ourselves in with unrealistic expectations and standards. Example? It’s not possible to anticipate or meet others’ needs all the time. Realistically, we’re most able to meet others' needs when they communicate with us about them and when they’re reasonable.
Try another perspective – Taking another perspective is like creating an exit in your limiting box through which you can take a different path which may lead to different outcomes! An example might be considering that people feeling upset or uncomfortable isn’t a bad thing and might even be important. Discomfort and upset often precede important changes that lead to growth.
Like most things, these suggestions are not quick fixes or cure-alls. They’re paths you can take if and when you feel ready. As always, I suggest starting small in order to build confidence and momentum. Maybe just start with seeing if you can identify as specifically as possible what it is that’s causing your anxiety and keep doing this for several weeks before you try another step. Remember, knowing when to ask for support is a healthy life skill so if you need it, please reach out.
All my best,
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT# 129032
Therapist and Program Manager
https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/ileana-arganda
916-287-3430