Channeling Your Confidence Era

Throughout my time in this field, more specifically through my work with teens over the years, I have come to notice the most cyclical struggle that continues to emerge as time goes on is lack of confidence. I tend to see a lot of over-caring what people think in conjunction with wanting to impress others. That being said, I thought I’d take this time to first share what I think are contributing factors to this (sometimes lifelong) dilemma, as well as some tips and tricks on what I feel have been most useful in getting teens out of that funk.

To start with probably an obvious one, I would say social media is one of the biggest contributors to teens struggling with confidence. Along with social media, I’d argue comments and feedback from peers and family are the second biggest contributor. Without a doubt, almost every session I have with a teen includes a comment to the effect of, “My (parent/peer) said I should…,” later to be paired with “Everyone on socials is…” which can lead one to engage in what we call negative self-talk. Negative self-talk can also lead to limiting beliefs such as, “If I was just prettier, skinnier, more talented, I could...”. That being said, negative self-talk and limiting beliefs typically lend itself to lack of confidence and because these can be difficult to combat in the day-to-day, therapy is a great place to practice and hone skills to begin channeling what I like to call your confidence era.

Now entering the confidence era zone and the tips and tricks to get here! What I tend to see work best with teens includes education around boundaries, modeling positive self-talk/affirmations, and re-writing those limited beliefs. When I say boundaries, I mean more so around accounts you follow on socials, filtering discussions/topics with peers/parents that may lead them to make hurtful comments and so on. In terms of positive self-talk, an example of that could be, “My potential is limitless”. Lastly, re-writing limiting beliefs is as it sounds. Instead of leaning into those negative narratives, try re-writing them in favor of growth and confidence (i.e. “I am worthy as I am.”)

Lastly, as a bonus tip, I thought it would be nice to include what I have observed of individuals who tend to embody innate confidence. I feel what sets individuals apart is leaning into discomfort (embracing adversity and the lessons that come with it), challenging themselves to try new things (doing things even when you’re scared), and maintaining an open mind while engaging in all of the above.

I hope this was helpful to any of you who are trying to channel your confidence era because it is one you don’t want to miss!

All my best,

Carly Kubochi, LMFT #134550

https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/carly-kubochi

916-287-3430