Teens, Peers, and Quarantine

With the pandemic continuing for almost a year now, I felt it was a good time to talk about a common topic for parents struggling with teens in isolation.  Adolescents often crave peer relationships, and that can be tough to manage when we are all expected to stay at home.  In this article, I will discuss the benefits of increasing your teen’s time with friends, as well as some options that have worked for other families who are facing this same struggle. However, keep in mind what unique challenges your family may need to balance when deciding how to best address this important issue.  

Benefits of Peer Contact

Teenagers are constantly moving towards independence.  Their focus is no longer on showing you their drawing to put on the fridge, and instead you find them absent from the dinner table in favor of grabbing a quick PB&J before returning to their cave for hours to talk with their friends.  For many teens, this is very normal, expected behavior.  By engaging with peers, they are improving social skills and learning to manage emotions through each other.  Also, engaging in leisure activities with others can reduce stress, anxiety, and depression.  

Below, I will outline a few ideas to assist your teen in continuing to develop these connections with others during this confusing time.  

Tip #1: Time Outdoors for Short Periods

Many teens first priority is to get back to the days of running around the neighborhood, going to the mall, or catching a movie on the weekend with their friends.  For some families, allowing their children to spend even brief periods of time with friends in enclosed spaces (where masks may or may not be worn) could pose too high of a risk.  Instead, offering an option to spend time outdoors with a small group of one or two close peers may be a middle ground solution.

Tip #2: Good Old Phone Time

Many teens are already adept at finding ways to contact each other, and if your child is on the phone constantly, you are definitely not alone.  For many, this may be the only time they have to hear how their peers are doing.  Try providing a space of privacy where they can feel free to speak and connect with whoever is on the other end.

Tip #3: Online Games

Believe it or not, online gaming can be a very powerful form of communication and connection for many adolescents.  If your child is constantly playing games online, this may be due to feeling an intense sense of belonging among their peers that is hard to replicate nowadays.  If this sounds familiar, use this powerful format as a way to motivate them to complete homework and other chores prior to them throwing on their headset.

Tip #4: Provide Options

Like in other areas of parenting, provide options that you are comfortable with to give your teen agency and a much needed sense of control in their life.  Remember, when giving any options, be sure to be comfortable with whatever they pick.

Tip #5: Discuss the Details

Be sure to talk about time restrictions, expectations for daily tasks, and any other concerns you may have when presenting them with choices.  If you know your teen is prone to being up all night playing games or on the phone, set that boundary early so it doesn’t become an argument later!

Wishing you and your family all the best,

Ben

Ben Friday, LMFT #122263

He/His/Him

Thrive Therapy & Counseling

916-287-3430

thrivetherapyandcounseling.com

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