Do you ever feel like you just give and give
Ivy Griffin
Do you ever feel like you just give and give and never receive the acknowledgement or the gratitude you deserve? Do you continually pour your heart and soul into what you do only to find you have nothing left for yourself?
This can be a common experience for highly sensitive people. Culture in the U.S. places a high premium on productivity and doing it all, and this can be emphasized in our families and our jobs as well. As HSPs, we intuitively pick up on this emphasis to never stop, and because we care deeply about others, we can push ourselves to keep going because we know it’s what someone else wants or needs. I imagine a lot of us feel as though we are an open buffet at times with an endless stream of people coming to take from us. But, we only have a finite amount of energy we can exert before we start to experience exhaustion, resentment, and low self-worth.
Well, it may be time to close the buffet! We not only need to leave energy for ourselves, but we also need time and space to replenish our energy reserves. So, what does this look like?
Remember, energy is finite. Highly sensitive or not, no person has unlimited energy. Sometimes we may look around, and point to famous people or even people we know who never seem to stop. As a therapist, I can tell you that these people either 1.) fall on the outer edges of the bell curve (and stand out because they are so unusual), or 2.) they are sorely neglecting their needs and are likely to become run down physically, emotionally, or psychologically (if not all three). As much as we might wish we were, no human being is the Energizer Bunny. Instead of getting down on yourself for needing rest, please recognize that rest is as essential as food, water, and shelter, and taking down time actually allows us to continue on.
We start by checking in with ourselves and asking not only, “Do I have the time and energy to do this?” but “Do I want to do this?”
I know this may seem hard to swallow but not wanting to do something is a perfectly good reason NOT to do it. As HSPs we tend to diminish our own wants and needs, and we can think that our preferences don’t really matter much. I’m here to tell you that what YOU want matters!
Once we’ve checked in with ourselves, we may have to tell the other person “no.” “No” can feel scary for many of us, but we have other options like, “That doesn’t work with my schedule” or “I’m not able to do that at this time.”
We can even say “yes” but with parameters like, “Yes, but I can only do it on this day for x amount of time.”
Just as important as our boundaries is how we are replenishing our reserves.
What leaves you feeling rested and rejuvenated?
What makes you feel better while you’re doing it or after you’ve done it?
What brings you joy and enlivens you?
These are the things that fill us up and make it possible for us to give from a place of abundance, not deficit. We need balance between the energy we are expending and the energy we keep for ourselves. Then, we need ways to replenish the energy we’ve used. If you are feeling exhausted and underappreciated, let this be a signal for you to look inward and see what it is that you need.
Everyone has to manage their energy and emotional reserves, and this is especially true for us as HSPs. Doing so enables us to feel happier and enjoy our lives and relationships more, PLUS it allows us to continue to contribute to our loved ones, communities, and world for the long haul. And, the world really needs us.
If you’d like support in better managing your energy or in exploring themes around boundaries and relationships, the therapists at Thrive are here to help!
Warmly,
Ileana
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, AMFT #99821
she/her
Supervised by Ivy Griffin, LMFT #51714
Thrive Therapy & Counseling
916-287-3430
hello@thrivetherapyandcounseling.com