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ivy@thrivetherapyandcounseling.com
Thrive Therapy & Counseling provides high quality therapy to Highly Sensitive People and to kids, teens or adults struggling with anxiety, depression or self-esteem.
This blog is written by a therapist in midtown Sacramento and focuses on the concerns and struggles of highly sensitive people (HSPs) and of kids, teens and adults struggling with depression, anxiety or just trying to figure out what they want for themselves. There's help and hope through counseling and therapy!
Your heart starts pounding. Your muscles tense. You get hot and start to sweat a little. It’s hard to think straight. You just want to get out of there ASAP. You, my sensitive friend, are in a moment of overwhelm.
Being overwhelmed is no fun for anyone, least of all highly sensitive people. When we human beings feel completely overloaded, our brains and bodies instantly go into survival mode.
“You just don’t get it, Mom!” I definitely said that hundreds of times during my own adolescence in a variety of moods, facial expressions, and tones of voice. I often felt misunderstood and sometimes sought out arguments with my parents to prove it to myself. My friends and I would vent about how our parents could never know what we were going through, considering how much ‘older’ they were! I laugh at that now after having my own children and realizing how much more complicated parenthood is than I ever thought when I was a teen.
Read MoreI've loved going for walks since I was a kid. The backdrop then tended to be more filled with woods and cow pastures; I did grow up in the country, after all. Even at a young age, I seemed to find freedom and calm in walking. I craved going for walks in the woods behind my neighbors’ house or even walking down the road. Each time I set out, I felt a sense of adventure, like anything could happen.
Now, I find walking to be more calming, but that sense of freedom remains.
Have you ever:
Found yourself avoiding crowds of people?
Felt bothered or agitated by certain sounds--like chewing, a neighbor’s TV blaring, a repetitive drip when you’re trying to sleep, even if they didn’t bother other people around you?
Wished you could just hide at home in bed?
Struggled in open workspaces?
Hated fluorescent lighting?
Had a hard time focusing or concentrating if there’s any background noise?
Found yourself being jumpy when a siren goes by?
This new school year can be especially nerve-wracking for anyone who’s starting anew--especially if your kid is beginning high school, adjusting to a new school, or starting their first semester of college. For most people, new experiences bring a combination of excitement, anxiety, and overwhelm. This can certainly be true for teens, and all that intensity can leave your kid with a buzzy, hard-to-settle presence.
Read MoreAs sensitive folks, we tend to be excellent friends, partners, children, parents, employees, colleagues, neighbors. If your immediate reaction is, “I’m not sure that applies to me,” you’re probably being too hard on yourself. But, you’re not alone as many highly sensitive people (HSPs) tend to undervalue what they offer to others. We HSPs are wonderfully empathic and do such a good job of putting ourselves in others’ shoes that the people in our lives usually really appreciate us. HSPs tend to be great listeners, wonderful problem-solvers, and gentle advice-givers. When an HSP tunes in to another person, that person really knows they’re being heard and seen. And, this doesn’t happen a lot in our busy culture, so, people really like this connectedness they feel from sensitive souls.
Read MoreHave you noticed that your teen is struggling in their relationships? Have you observed them trying to be someone they’re not in order to fit in? Have you seen your teen going out of their way to please their friends, just to be liked . . . only to be taken advantage of and manipulated?
Read MoreImagine that you’re at a party or gathering at a friend’s house. As a highly sensitive person, you may have felt some anxiety or dread about going to the party and having to make small talk. Some of the folks in attendance are friends, and you gravitate toward talking to them. But, you notice a couple of people who hang back and don’t seem to know many others. Your empathy kicks in, and you decide to go chat with them to help them feel more welcome. While you’re talking, another person or two joins in the conversation and brings up a political issue you care about deeply. As you passionately discuss the matter, you add in how you cannot understand anyone who thinks otherwise. The person you initially approached quietly says, “I disagree” and wanders away.
Read MoreSometimes it can seem like teens completely tune out (or want nothing to do with) adults, especially authority figures, even more so--their parents. This can leave parents feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. “He’s not getting his homework done, but how am I supposed to get him on the right track when he won’t listen to me?!” “She seems irritable and agitated a lot these days, but when I ask what’s wrong, she rolls her eyes or grumbles, ‘nothing.’ How do I get through to her?”
Read MoreOn a somewhat regular basis, I try to make sure my kids get outside and eat some dirt. Just kidding about the eating it part! But, we definitely get out to play in the dirt. We ‘garden’ together. The gardening usually consists of me putting plants and soil in pots, then my five year old moving all around - barefooted - digging either in the pots or in the ground, finding worms, collecting acorn ‘hats,’ and finally plunging herself onto the grass.
Read MoreThis sounds like advice from an eight ball, right? Or, from some sage old monk. Funny how words of wisdom can seem profound and trite at the same time. This little nugget actually came to me from an unexpected source when I was in college. See, I’ve always had some fondness for adventure, and at the end of my junior year, I convinced two of my girlfriends to go with me on a 3 week trip through the southwest with the student Outdoor Center. The trip involved some hiking and camping, which we all loved, and a lot of rock-climbing and mountain biking, which none of us had ever done before.
Read More“I hate math! I’m done!” shouts your 14 year old as he slams his book shut and jumps up from the kitchen table, almost knocking over the chair with him. You watch the severe scowl of irritation on his face and his I’m so totally done with homework tonight vibe with some bewilderment. You wonder why he gave up so quickly or what was so challenging about the work. The recurring theme for your kiddo is his impatience and unwillingness to put in the extra effort.
Have I mentioned that I hate small talk? I can handle about 30 seconds of it, and then . . . I’m boooored. The meaningless banter makes me wish I was at home reading a good book. But, give me some depth, catch my interest on a topic, go beyond the ordinary chatter, and I’m hooked. I love stories SO much. I could listen for hours as a story unfolds. Yes, it’s one of the reasons I became a therapist, and it’s one of the gifts of therapy—we very quickly move past the shallow small talk and dig into what’s real and what matters. As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), this stirs my soul. I come alive with such deep and meaningful conversations.
Read MoreYou know that old saying, “What do we do when we fall? - We get back up!”? It seems that our youth are really struggling with mastering this important life skill. There is a trend of perfectionism and a lack of resilience among teens that has caught the attention of mental health and education professionals, as well as parents. When we have adolescents who can’t bounce back from failure (i.e. are not resilient) and aren’t given the appropriate level of independence they need for healthy development, we end up with young adults who are incredibly anxious and depressed.
Read MoreI often hear the frustration and sadness and defeat in the voices of highly sensitive people (HSP) when they share how they become more emotional, overwhelmed, shut down, or worn out in situations that don’t seem to affect other people. This difference can make HSPs feel like outsiders, like there must be something wrong with them because they are abnormal compared to everyone around them.
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