Loneliness? Depression? FOMO? Idealization might be to blame!
Ivy Griffin
Have you ever thought, "If only I had a partner, then I'd be happy"? Or maybe you've imagined how much better life would be if you were out with friends. Many of us imagine that in some other version of our lives the grass is greener, but what might be the consequences of this belief?
Fantasizing about what could be is natural and may even lead you to make important changes in your life. But what if we become convinced we'd be better off under different circumstances or that there's something so problematic about our lives that a partner, more friends, moving, changing jobs would fix everything?
Capitalism teaches us "more is better". Conversely, we learn that what we have and who we are aren't enough. This mentality creates excellent consumers because we'll spend a great deal to feel satisfied. But it also creates a feeling that something's missing and an illusion that once we get it, we'll feel fulfilled. We start to experience emotional hunger pangs for an imagined better life.
Imagining we will feel complete, happy, or fulfilled when we obtain our desires is an example of idealization. Idealization is when we imagine someone or something as flawless. It might sound nice but can actually contribute to great suffering, especially when we devalue our current reality. Recognizing the potential drawbacks to our desires can help us to experience more contentment, acceptance, and satisfaction.
One of the benefits of being a therapist is learning there is no pain-free version of life. Accepting this helps us to recognize that any situation, including our present one, has benefits and drawbacks. The next time you experience emotional hunger pangs for an imagined life, remember the other side of things you might not be seeing. A more balanced viewpoint can help us to have more realistic, manageable expectations around change and helps us appreciate what we have and who we are right now.
Interested in learning more about yourself and receiving support on a regular basis? Follow the link below to be matched with a therapist today.
Ileana Arganda-Stevens, LMFT#129032
Therapist and Program Manager
https://thrivetherapyandcounseling.com/new-clients